I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
