just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Are we still banned from the library?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
