Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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