We're facebook friends in real life
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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