i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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