I heard we made out
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
