I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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