I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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