so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
