he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
