Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So much Jack, so little girl.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
