everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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