It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
