How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
