it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
