I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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