do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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