Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
