all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
