dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
