I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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