I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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