Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
