we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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