They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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