Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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