i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
