I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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