The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
