You just made me feel so damn special
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
