just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am one with the molecules
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
