In the future we'll all be gay
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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