I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
