WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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