I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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