Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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