Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
