maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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