I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
