i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
