yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
