I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
