You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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