also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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