I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
