Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
