I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
