your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
