She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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