Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
