Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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