Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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