She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
