I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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