HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
