Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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