Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
