omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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