My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
