Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
