k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
