I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My pussy is not your playground.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
