i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
