We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
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Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
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my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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